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If you enjoy Erotic Vampire And Cheating Wives Stories as much as I do, then you got to check out those links for some pretty fucking kinky XXX reading!

Of course pulling my pud to a book is something you might not want to witness, as my mexican maid found out when she happened to walk in on me choking the chicken and wearing my step daughter's dirty panties on my head as I read aloud in the bedroom.

"AH! Meester HedButt is pulling the chorizo!" she screamed as she ran into the street and proceeded to inform the police.

Long story short - got three weeks community service and a damn good lecture from the wife!



Posted: Thursday 7th February 2013, 1:02 PM

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Yes, it's a heavy burden having to drain my nuts so much, but it has to be done and it's SUCH a good cause!

I just have to make sure the wife and kids are out of the house and that I don't forget that the maid is here - which I did last time and got busted when her shouts and cries of "Meester HedBut is jerking the chorizo!" when she walked in on me with a pair of my daughter's panties on my head and the wife's vibrator up my ass!

Good times, though!


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Posted: Thursday 4th October 2012, 11:38 AM

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Since I am currently under house arrest for being caught stealing panties from the Girl Scout camp next door and sniffing them as I masturbated furiously in the bushes nearby, I've had to find other ways to exercise my love muscle and cope with my chronic masturbation affliction. The solution? It's something I recently found on the advice of fellow pervert – a blow job by telephone!

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My only problem is that I have rapidly depleted the money in my purchased credit card by repeatedly calling and requesting my personal blow job fantasy – that a young hooker I picked up on the road has me pull over and spends the next 3 hours lubricating my cock with her tongue and hot saliva as I sniff her dirty panties and expound upon the rights of man is guaranteed by the Constitution. If you would like to enjoy a blow job by telephone I suggest you call the number and at least listen to the 1st few seconds to get an idea of the deliciously kinky and perverted offerings these girls can provide, just be warned that if your wife or kids walk in on you as your stroking your cock and listening to the delicious sucking and licking noises these girls make as they perform their duties it can be rather embarrassing!


Posted: Thursday 30th August 2012, 3:33 PM

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The other day as I was getting ready to bust a nut into a dirty sock while jerking feverishly to some naked fat girls on webcams I had an epiphany. Why not get my wife's panties wrapped around my cock and stick it in the open and of the vacuum cleaner?

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So not hesitating to try such a deliciously kinky idea, I asked the maid, Henrietta, to go get me the Dustbuster from the closet and leave it in the bedroom. Taking a pair of my wife's deliciously fragrant and stinky dirty cotton panties from the hamper, I proceeded to wind them around my cock and inserted into the open end of the vacuum cleaner nozzle. Upon turning it on, I was delighted with a dizzying array of sensual feelings and hard suction on my erect jizz sprinkler.

But, like all good ideas gone bad, I had forgotten to tell Henrietta to attend to matters in the living room, and when I turned around with the vacuum cleaner hose clinging to my cock, I discovered the maid standing there with her hands over her mouth, eyes wide, and a shocked expression on her face. Before I could offer an explanation she ran from the house shouting Meester hedbutt is sexing the vacuum hose with his chorizo! At the top of her lungs which soon brought the neighbors into the street.

The police were called and while I was vacuuming up the rest of the jizz load I had spurted, the SWAT team broke in and found me with my pants at my ankles as the vacuum hose dangled between my legs still attached to my cock. Needless to say, the judge was not amused, and I have been sentenced to another 4 months of community service picking up bottles along the highway. I was also fined $2000 and had to pay the maid a healthy bonus to keep quiet and not tell my wife.

Next time I will make sure the help is out of the house and I am alone before attempting sex with any of the cleaning devices. It's a lesson well learned and I keep my sense of humor in the thought that anything a man can stick his cock into, he probably has and I'm no different.

And boy, were those stinky panties just right for the job!


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Posted: Sunday 22nd July 2012, 4:10 PM

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Why is it that all women these days seem to be a Cheating Wife In The Making intent on cuckolding her man and forcing him to watch her get nailed by big black cocks?

Is it something in the air?

Some deadly chemical in the water?

Too much Justin Bieber on the radio?

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Posted: Sunday 1st July 2012, 1:25 PM

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If you're into Nice Butts For Spanking as much as I am, then have a look at that and start gathering the jizz rags for a mighty corporal punishment masturbation marathon!

Hey, didn't the WB feature that at one time?

Hmm, maybe it was Hustler and I was drunk on pine cone party juice with Early again?

Oh, well, where's my monkey with that Danish?


Posted: Friday 22nd June 2012, 1:05 PM

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If you're a cornhole sniffer and stinky starfish lover like me, watching some Free Nice Butt Amazon Facesitting Video should produce the correct amount of arousal to cause a giant eruption of hot monkey jizz to burst forth from your loins and soak the carpet!

I know it did to me. Lucky the maid Maria was home and I could tell her that "El puppy make a big messo" and have her clean it up without suspecting it was actual the result of my chronic masturbation caused by facesitting, hehe..


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Posted: Tuesday 15th May 2012, 11:09 PM
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